Well, it took me two weeks, but I eventually got around to catching the pilot to Harper's Island, CBS' new mystery/slasher/soap opera serial that airs its third episode tonight. If for some reason you were waiting for my review before checking it out, don't worry, you're not missing anything.
Which is a shame, because a TV show version of Ten Little Indians actually sounds like a fun idea. After all, the biggest benefit of a TV show is you can develop the characters over time, so the deaths will have more meaning than in a slasher movie, not to mention the reality TV fun of seeing who will get kicked off each week.
But this particular batch of characters makes the dullards of Cloverfield look like the cast of Lost. Some of them include the groom, the bride, the groom's female best friend who has issues with the island, the groom's obnoxious male friends, the bride's sketchy ex, the bride's rich father, the groom's ex-con black sheep brother, and Aaron Echolls.
Those descriptions right there are all you will ever need to know about those characters, as their only real purpose is to get killed off. The rest of the time the show could easily be mistaken for a daytime soap (seriously, look at that picture). Talking only in cliches while super dramatic music plays constantly (including some really bad pop songs from 3-5 years ago), the drama's way too cheesy to even appreciate on a camp level.
But the biggest mistake: they kill off Aaron Echolls in the very first episode! The only character remotely memorable/enjoyable to watch. Since he was the only one trying to have fun within all the silliness, I'm gonna say any reason to watch this series was cut off with the lower half of his body.
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