The Private Practice Curse and Other TV Catch-Up

We heard the rumors that the CW had already passed on its Lily in the 80s themed Gossip Girl spin-off, and now we know why. Having just watched Monday's backdoor pilot (moving put me behind on TV, and no, I can't explain how I'm caught up on Gossip Girl but not on Lost), it seems that this is the worst potential spin-off since Private Practice.

Ok, this is probably the only spin-off since Private Practice. But think of all the similarities: a female character we like on the original show (Lily/Addison) goes into a spin-off and suddenly becomes a babbling, annoying mess (see: Lily's prostitute speech). The dialogue is uniformly horrible ("This is the part where you fall in love with me. It is, isn't it? You totally are." Guess what? We're not.) And the whole episode you just got annoyed every time they cut away from the original show.

I mean, come on, why would they put the crappy spin-off on the same week as the prom? Prom led to Buffy and Angel dancing to "Wild Horses" and the Sam/Cindy "Come Sail Away" dance on Freaks and Geeks (not prom, but still a high school dance). And in the few minutes not spent making us forget why we usually like Brittany Snow and demonstrating Cynthia Watros' horrible impression of adult Lily as CeCe, what did we get? Chuck finding new levels of softness planning Blair's prom. One step closer to becoming the guy from Twilight. Let's make a deal: we forget the spin-off was ever suggested, and you go back to making good episodes that focus on the kids. K?


Speaking of things related to Private Practice, I stopped watching Grey's Anatomy back in January somewhere along the ghost Denny storyline. But I happened to catch the last 5 minutes of tonight's finale, and (SPOILER ALERT) I couldn't help but notice it ended with Izzy and George about to board an elevator to heaven. Let's put aside the fact that this seems cribbed straight from Six Feet Under's second season-ender with Nate stepping up to the death bus, and just look at how sad this whole situation is.

Obviously, they know we know both actors want off the show. So either they're setting the actors free, or using real-life info to artificially build suspense. I have no idea what happened to George or any context, but the whole situation still bothers me. They're 2 of the 5 original interns, and without them Grey's is just a crappier, soapier version of ER. And couldn't they find a way to write them out that didn't involve super dramatic season finale cliffhanger death? So I found it sad, not for the intentional drama, but for remembering what the show once was.


On a more positive note, How I Met Your Mother has become more must-see than ever, now that they're talking about zooming in on the identity of the mother. I'm not sure how the whole Ted/Stella/Tony drama from Monday's episode plays into the overall story, but I do know a. next year's finale will involve Tony's movie about their love triangle, b. Barney's porn version of avoiding a speeding ticket was awesome, c. murder house, and d. Let's Go to the Mall ringtone.

Pandas, Freckles, and Gossip, Oh My!

You might ask why I bothered watching Kung Fu Panda. It's a fair question. But after the Panda beat Wall-E in all the Animation Guild's awards, I was curious to see what would be losing to the robot come Oscar night. Getting past its obvious inferiority to the Pixar masterpiece, it's a surprisingly enjoyable watch, as far as straight-out kids movies go. Certainly if I was to take a kid to a movie, I could do far worse. The movie's best selling point is the animation. The various animated fight scenes do look really, really cool. I'm sure that's what the animators saw in it.

The Panda also stands out for its rather odd voice casting. Jack Black brings a little too much Tenacious D to his titular slacker. Angelina Jolie's voice has little enough personality you might think her Tigress is animatronic. Dustin Hoffman isn't the first name to come to mind when you hear "kung fu master." Jackie Chan and Lucy Liu are the token Asians in a movie set in China. And David Cross and Seth Rogen are clearly just there for the paycheck (seriously, Monsters vs. Aliens will be Rogen's 3rd animated movie. He really loves the easy money). Kung Fu Panda's not necessary viewing for anyone, but it's a perfectly nice way to waste some time.


Now to shift gears completely, Entertainment Weekly's TV critic, Ken Tucker, wrote this morning that he considers Jack's partner, FBI Agent Renee Walker, to be 24's weakest link this season. He calls her a "wimpy sentimentalist," a "sap," and even goes so far as to call her this season's Kim Bauer. Now, I personally think he's being rather hard on Freckles. Finding it difficult to hold a mother and baby at gunpoint seems like a rather reasonable response. Jack used to have some conscience issues once upon a time as well.

Now, I'm not saying she ranks on the list of memorable 24 characters, but how can you call her the weakest link with so many others to choose from? All Monotone does is make googly eyes at Uglier Sarah Jessica Parker and annoy everyone. Boring Boss seems to be the most extreme justification of torture, just because you'd never want to agree with someone like that. But the award for this season's Kim Bauer goes to the First Gentleman. Acting stupid and getting himself kidnapped? No contest.

Quick recap of Monday night's episode: Jack tries to become besties with his 3rd US president. Do you think when he asked President Taylor to "ask around" about him, he was referring to the dead and possibly dead Palmer brothers? Who else does he know that's still alive? Taylor eventually gives Jack his directive: find the First Gentleman within the hour. I like when 24 episodes have hourly goals; it gives them purpose. Plus, it meant the promise of a shoot-out at the end.

Meanwhile, Taylor lets Buchanan stick around and make policy decisions because she doesn't dare question the hair. Boring Boss enters the Jack Bauer Club...just to lecture everyone for the 8000th time about torture. Jack kills a guy because he's Jack Bauer. Freckles questions her desire to be Jack's torture apprentice for approximately one minute, 49 seconds. And Dubaku goes to confront his waitress girlfriend's wheelchair-bound sister for....reasons unknown. Seriously, does he actually plan on seeing the waitress again? Also, I think Uglier Sarah Jessica Parker is the mole. Otherwise what does she do?

Finally, the weekly gossip on Grey's Anatomy (why is the gossip so much better than the show? Watch any given episode to find that out). Costar James Pickens Jr. (The Chief) told Us Weekly that TR Knight and Katherine Heigl will both be leaving the show. Spoiler King Michael Ausiello at Entertanment Weekly says it's not a done deal, but it will likely happen sometime early next season.

Now, my first thought is to be happy for the actors. TR Knight's George has probably had around three lines an episode since episode four this season. Characters like "Nurse #8" have more screentime. Katherine Heigl's Izzie has had one of the stupidest subplots I've seen on any TV show in recent memory (you know which one I'm talking about). Watching the way these once-likable characters have been tossed aside is just sad, and both of the actors deserve to move on to bigger and better things.

But if they really leave, and only three of the original five interns remain, what's the point of even continuing the show? The show seemed to introduce a major new character every week, but the only one who survived was Army Doc. After another season, will there even be any Greys left? All I can say is I'm glad I stopped watching when I did.

That's It, I'm Checking Out of Grey's Anatomy

It may have taken a three-episode weepfest to do the trick, but I am finally ready to pull the LVAD wire on Grey's Anatomy. The season started off with some promise, but the last three episodes made it clear that Grey's suffers from an inoperable tumor of suckiness. With no more likable characters, no storylines I care about, and an increasingly revolving cast, there's just nothing to keep me going anymore.

The breaking point came with the show's stupidest plot device ever: Ghost Denny. Still here after Izzie "broke up with him" last week, he spent the entire episode saying, "I'm here for you" over and over and over and over and over again. If Shonda Rhimes wants us to forget he was ever a likable character, congratulations! Mission accomplished! Yeah, we get it, Denny's only there because Izzie's sick. But am I supposed to take solace in knowing the rest of the season will be a long, drawn-out illness story for Izzie?

As far as the "very special patients," at least those stories are over with. Eric Stoltz's Death Row inmate was supposed to provoke "hard questions" about surgeons' powers of life and death. But it was all so heavy-handed and annoying that I just couldn't care. Sick Kid seemed to only succeed in turning Bailey from the one remaining good character to someone else entirely. Also, why were Meredith and Christina fighting again? Does anyone care enough to remember?

I know this has all been well covered already, but what's the point of having George make 30 second cameos in every episode? TR Knight deserves much better, and I hope he gets out of his contract ASAP. Right now, all he's doing is reminding us of a time when the show was watchable. Speaking of outgoing characters, Sadie has had nothing to do but look creepy in the background since cutting herself. Why did they even bring her on?

Right now, the only characters worth watching are Sloane and Little Grey. When the best storyline of the night involves a broken penis, it's time to move on. Grey's Anatomy, we had a good year or so. But after three seasons of going through the motions, it's time to end this relationship. Goodbye.

Midseason Preview

2009 may have just begun, but the TV midseason isn't wasting time, beginning on January 5th. I'll help you figure out when my favorite returning shows come back and what new shows may be worth considering.

Gossip Girl (January 5th, 8-9 PM, the CW)
When we last saw the Upper East Siders, Chuck was a mess over his father's death. This week introduces his Uncle Jack, played by Desmond Harrington (Quinn from Dexter). Elsewhere, Jenny finally goes back to school, but no word on whether she'll start looking human again.

Scrubs (January 6th, 9-10 PM, ABC)
Now on ABC, Scrubs is back for its (probably) final season, starting with two episodes. The season starts with Courtney Cox as the new Chief of Medicine and, judging by the promos, awkward facial hair for JD. There's also a Hawaiin wedding for Janitor later this season.

Nip/Tuck (January 6th, 10-11 PM, FX)
At the end of last season, Sean was stabbed by his crazy fake-publicist Colleen Rose and Julia was shot by her girlfriend's crazy daughter Eden and was left with amnesia. Eden should hopefully be gone, given that her portrayor (Annalynne McCord) is now on 90210, but Colleen is definitely back. No word on how long they'll continue the never-successful amnesia device, but don't expect a creative comeback anytime soon.

Top Chef (January 7th, 10-11 PM, Bravo)
Season 5 returns with new judge Toby Young (author of How to Lose Friends and Alienate People), and two chefs will be eliminated.

Damages (January 7th, 10-11 PM, FX)
Damages tries to top season 1 with a boatload of top-tier new cast members like William Hurt, Marcia Gay Harden, and Timothy Olymphant. After settling the Frobisher (Ted Danson) case, Patty Hewes (Glenn Close) is moving on. When a whistle blower (Hurt) tells of her of shady practices coming from his company, it seems she's got her next case. Meanwhile, Ellen (Rose Byrne) works with the FBI to bring Patty down, and Frobisher survives his shooting to come back for more mischief.

30 Rock (January 8th, 9:30-10 PM, NBC)
30 Rock continues to become the next Will & Grace by having Salma Hayek and Peter Dinklage both guest star.

Grey's Anatomy (January 8th, 9-10 PM, ABC)
The surgeons have to work on a death row inmate, and it's not even a sweeps month? What are they saving up for February, an operation on Ghost Denny? Also, Jessica Capshaw joins the cast as a pediatric surgeon and a romantic interest for Callie (since she hasn't had enough this season).

24 (January 11th and 12th, 8-10 PM, Fox)
As it has the last two seasons, 24 will begin with a two-night, four hour premiere to kick things in motion. These year-old episodes see Jack on trial in DC for his actions after CTU has been shut down. But he gets off when the government needs him to stop Evil Back-From-the-Dead Tony Almeida from his terrorist activities. Also, there's a Lady Prez.

How I Met Your Mother (January 12th, 8:30-9 PM, CBS)
Reality stars taunt Marshall from a magazine, as they do to us all. Ted and Robin become friends with benefits. That should last about as long as it did for Jerry and Elaine.

The Office (January 15th, 9-9:30 PM, NBC)
I don't have an episode description, but expect fall-out over Phyllis telling the office about Dwight and Angela.

Battlestar Galactica (January 16th, 10-11 PM, Sci-Fi)
In the final season, Earth has been found, but now what? Will they try to live on that post-apocalyptic planet? Will the human/Cylon truce hold? And who is the last frakking Cylon?

Big Love (January 18th, 9-10 PM, HBO)
I still haven't seen season 2, so I got nothing on season 3. But this is when it premieres.

Flight of the Conchords (January 18th, 10-10:30 PM, HBO)
You could wait until January 18th to see Bret and Jermaine's newest adventures. Or you could go to Funnyordie.com and watch it now.

The United States of Tara (January 18th, 10-10:30 PM, Showtime, NEW SHOW)
Toni Collette (The Sixth Sense) plays a woman with multiple personality disorder. John Corbett (Sex and the City, Lucky) plays her husband. Steven Spielberg's producing. Diablo Cody (Juno) wrote the pilot. With all those big names and Showtime's recent hot streak (Weeds, Dexter), this is certainly worth checking out. But it is paired with the ultra-dull Secret Diary of a Call Girl, so who knows.

Lost (January 21st, 9-11 PM, ABC)
After a year of waiting, it's finally here. Lost is back. Season 5 will find Jack and Ben getting the Oceanic Six back together to return to the island while we learn just what "bad things" happened to those who stayed on the island. Those who have already seen the premiere say the new time-jumping device makes flashforwards seem like child's play. They also say it's awesome.

Lie to Me (January 21st, 9-10 PM, Fox, NEW SHOW)
Tim Roth (Pulp Fiction, The Incredible Hulk) plays a human lie detector that heads some special FBI agency. Is this just a lame procedural a la The Mentalist? Too early to tell, but it could be fun to see Tim Roth on TV.

Trust Me (January 26th, 10-11 PM, TNT, NEW SHOW)
If you've watched TNT at all in the last month, you've surely seen tons of ads for this new show in which Tom Cavanaugh (Ed) gets a new boss: his best friend, played by Eric McCormick (Will of Will & Grace). I have yet to get into TNT's other original shows (The Closer, Saving Grace), but the leads seem likable enough to make me want to give this one a try.

Heroes (February 2nd, 9-10 PM, NBC)
After season 3 got bogged down in too many characters and too little logic, why am I still watching this show? Well, cause season 4 looks kind of cool. After Nathan leaked word of the heroes to the government, the Hunter (Damages' Zeljko Ivanek) will start rounding them all up. Seems like a welcome break from the typical "stop big threat to save the world using lots of time traveling" formula. But the second it starts to lag, I'm out.

Dollhouse (February 13th, 9-10 PM, Fox, NEW SHOW)
In this new show from Joss Whedon (Buffy, Angel, Firefly), Eliza Dushku (Faith from Buffy) plays Echo. She works at a secret agency (is there any other kind?) as a blank slate, with personalities put into her depending on what her mission calls for. The show has suffered some bad early buzz, due to conflicts between Whedon and Fox and some production issues. But the plot sounds badass, and it's Joss freaking Whedon. If given time to grow, it can definitely stand with his previous classics.

Bye Bye Dr. Hahn

For anyone who hasn't yet seen last night's Grey's Anatomy, don't worry, this isn't spoiling anything from the episode. Because nothing that happened last night would suggest that it was the last time we will see Dr. Erica Hahn on the show. But as Michael Ausiello wrote earlier this week, that is exactly what it was.

As for what did happen, Hahn found out about Izzie's involvement in the Denny Duquette affair (yes, that again) and wanted blood. Izzie helped her save the other guy's life, but that didn't stop Hahn from telling Callie she'll file a complaint about it. When Callie stood up for Izzie, the fight quickly turned from being about medicine to their relationship.

But can a first tiff for a new couple really be seen as a send-off? How will the writers explain her absence next week? Hit by a car on the way home? Went back to her old hospital in protest? There doesn't seem to be any way that doesn't feel like a silly, soap opera-ish turn.

And that's because her ousting wasn't a creative decision but a network one. ABC got uncomfortable with the Callie-Erica storyline and decided that Brooke Smith had to go, immediately, with no episode to explain Hahn's removal. I can't say Hahn was one of my favorite characters or that the relationship was handled especially well, but that still doesn't change how ridiculous it is for a network to so blatantly tamper with a popular show. Especially coming the same week that California passed Proposition 8, it all does put a dent in the progress shown by electing a black president.

A few thoughts on the rest of the episode: While following up on the patient that lost the heart to Denny makes sense, the way Denny keeps appearing on the show 3 seasons after his death still only shows how little Grey's has held up to its second and best season. It's hard not to seem like a show past its prime when it keeps looking back on the glory days. But otherwise it was a solid episode. Christina continued to get more screentime, which is a nice change from her mishandling since Burke's departure. The Chief voicing George's robotic patient provided some laughs. And Hunt's frustration with everyone certainly seemed legitimate. This season has shown a definite improvement over the last two, but we'll have to see how they handle the Hahn firing to be sure.

TV Catch-Up: Thursday-Monday Edition

Gossip Girl

Best part of the episode for me was that so much was shot right outside of Dodge Hall (see above) where I had all of my film classes (the Yale they visited is actually Columbia). It's been interesting to see how Blair has become the main character this season. The Blair and Serena fight was nearly identical to the one last season. But this time it's through Blair's perspective, as Serena has started to feel more and more like a minor character. Dan has also had trouble staying part of the show post-break up. But I kind of liked his interactions with Chuck and Nate. I'm sure he and Nate discussed being new bffs over burgers at HamDel. And Chuck's playing of the not-so-secret society was what he does best.

How I Met Your Mother

Best episode yet of the season. I'm not sure which was funnier, the series of interventions or Barney convincing a girl that he has come from the future to tell her to sleep with his present self. That's not even including the stories of how Ted's apartment was banged up. Wtih Robin in full-on Canadian mode, Lily getting an intervention for her bad British accent, and R2 Sweet Tooth, there were a lot of laughs to go around. But it was also nice to see how all of the funniest gags led to more serious moments, as the interventions led Ted to question moving in with Stella and Barney the Old Man convinced him to go through with it. After Ted's decision last week to leave Manhattan for New Jersey, this episode continued to show the life-altering decisions people make in their 20s/30s. But it's nice to see they can make those decisions while still being funny.

Heroes

4 episodes in, Heroes is a bit of a mess. Last week there were enough time jumps to leave everyone spinning, and this week we can't tell who's alive and who's dead. Mohinder's foray into being a mad scientist has become far more ridiculous than I could have ever imagined. And I don't believe Ando is really dead, because if so that is the worst character death I have ever seen. So where's the upside? Well, even with all the flaws, it is still kind of fun. The emphasis on the vortex guy (Bubbles from The Wire) helped focus the episode somewhat with all of its many plotlines. Sylar's far from my favorite character, but partnering him with Noah has been fun to see. And it's nice to see Angela's secrets unraveling. The writers just need to bring Parkman back from Africa, get Nathan to stop talking about God, and get rid of Mohinder and Majjjja.

Mad Men

Is Don really returning to Dick Whitman? Who did he call at the end? Was it that woman from the flashback at the used car dealership? Plenty of questions left at the end of an episode that saw Don, Roger, and Duck Phillips all dealing with divorced futures. First Don, who took the vacation he denied to Pete by driving off to Palm Springs with a 21-year-old aptly named Joy who sounded a lot like Betty. Joy's crowd hardly seemed like Don's people, but it seems he may be through with being Don Draper. Next Roger, preparing to lose his money to divorce in order to marry the secretary he barely knows. But the most interesting one this episode was Duck, plotting to improve his job by selling Sterling Cooper. Roger and Cooper may have jumped at the thought of new clients, but Don won't be happy to see he's reporting directly to Duck. Don't trust him. Remember Chauncey.

Grey's Anatomy

If you look back to my post on the season premiere, you'll see I was giving this one more chance before dropping it. Unfortunately, Grey's managed to be just watchable enough to delay that happening. I can't say I really remember what happened 5 days after watching. But I do remember it being lighter than the usual melodrama and that some of the characters may have been momentarily likeable. I guess I'm stuck watching for now.

The Office

Another great episode. Best storyline was easily Jim keeping track of all of Dwight's personal time. Trying to draw Dwight out of work by calling Battlestar Galactica a shot-for-shot remake of the original and describing its plot as Dumbledore Calrissian needs to take the ring back to Mordor? Hilarious. Meredith's confession provided lots of great Michael/Holly moments as well. The Office is definitely back from its post-writer's strike slump.

SNL: Thursday Night

Much like the debate it spoofed, the first sketch of the new half-hour edition fell a bit flat. Joking about the time limits might have worked once, but making it the main joke of the sketch left little else. There were some good McCain moments though, even if SNL still doesn't know how to spoof Obama. Things improved with Weekend Update (outside of Kenan Thompson's "Fix it" bit). But there was nothing within the half hour that could compete with any of Tina Fey's sketches this season. It seems SNL needs Palin as badly as the news media does.

The Fall of Seattle Grace

In the fifth season premiere of Grey's Anatomy (yes, it took me a week to bring myself to watch it), Seattle Grace has dropped from 2nd to 12th in the ranking of teaching hospitals. This serves as a clear reference to Grey's Anatomy's own drop in quality over the last few years, as the show went from must-see TV to a familiar habit for many viewers. As the Chief gives a speech at the end of the two hour episode, creator Shonda Rhimes speaks through him to announce the show will change and return to its former glory.

But if that intention is true, she must intend to start next week, because this bloated and dull two-hour premiere was full of the same annoying melodrama that led to the show's decline. Rather than making things interesting, the hospital's drop seemed to just cause everyone to whine about how it could have happened, especially the Chief. But there was plenty of whining left over for the rest of the cast, namely the Queen of Self-Absorption, Meredith Grey. The writers must want people to hate her, because she continues to become more obnoxious with each season. We're probably supposed to see Christina telling Meredith to shut up as positive growth, but by the time they reconciled at the end it seemed clear it would have no effect.

Moving on to the rest of the cast: I still believe Lexie has the potential to become a good character, but the writers' insistence on making her believably related to Meredith keeps her as a yammering and annoying mess. Alex and Izzie don't really do anything. Rose seems like too much of an afterthought for her goodbye story to feel as stupid as it was. Callie and Erica's relationship could be worthwhile, but got about 30 seconds in this episode. Bailey's still great, but doens't have enough screentime to save everyone else. And somehow Sloane seemed like the best part of the show, as he was the only one who seemed to remember Grey's Anatomy does comedy much better than drama.

Then there's the whole fairytale theme. Grey's Anatomy's episode themes are rarely subtle, but the way every character had to keep making fairytale references got pretty old. Bernadette Peters and Kathy Baker couldn't save a patient storyline that's been done any number of times before and certainly didn't need a full two hours. If they wanted to reference Enchanted, they would have been better off getting Amy Adams and having everyone sing. That might have been worth watching. As for the new guy, the army doc played by Kevin McKidd, he might have been amusing if they didn't tell us every three secconds how badass he is.

Next week's preview shows a flood crisis at the hospital, yet another attempt to recreate the bomb two-parter that marked the series' high point (see the ferry boat three-part travesty to see how well that works out). So while the show may say its changing and improving, so far it seems like the same old stories that didn't work the first time around. I feel like I've gotta give it one more chance, but its days on my DVR series pass may be numbered.