Top 5 Valentine's Day Episodes

Valentine's Day has led to some great episodes of TV. These may not be the best examples, but they are the ones I remember the most.

1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer - "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered"
In one of Buffy's best-ever episodes, a spell gone wrong causes every woman in Sunnydale (but Cordelia) to fall in love with Xander. As the spell gets stronger, Amy the Teenage Witch turns Buffy into a mouse, and Buffy's mom hits on Xander. Most holiday-appropriate: Cordy calls Harmony a sheep and gets back together with Xander.

2. Lost - "The Constant"
Airing last year on Valentine's Day, "The Constant" is already a Lost classic. Heading out to the freighter, Desmond catches time travel sickness and gets dislodged in time. The only thing that can keep him alive: his Constant, true love Penny Widmore. When Penny answers the call on Christmas, she doesn't just save Desmond's life, but creates the show's most romantic moment.

3. The Simpsons - "I Love Lisa"
I choo-choo-choose you. Ralph's misguided crush is elementary school Valentine's Day at its most embarrassing.

4. Arrested Development - "Ready, Aim, Marry Me"
There's plenty of potential couples in this romantic getaway-themed episode to choose from - Lindsay and Uncle Jack (guest star Martin Short), Lucille 2 (Liza Minelli) and Buster, or Michael and Sally Sitwell. But the best one is Michael and Tobias. Tobias' self-recording leads to some of his best-ever unintentional double entendres.

5. Veronica Mars - "Ruskie Business"
Not much love for V in this episode. She helps new-friend Meg find her secret admirer....only to find out it's her ex, Duncan. She helps a Russian mail order bride find her husband...only to find out she's Russian mafya looking for someone in witness protection. Still, dressing up as Madonna for an 80s-themed dance? Awesome.

Merry Christmas TV!

I covered movies on Monday, so for Christmas I'm listing my five favorite Christmas-themed TV episodes. Now, I've never seen the Festivus episode of Seinfeld or the West Wing episode where Toby plans a funeral for a homeless veteran. So I may not know the classics, but here are some new classics for you.

5. "How Lily Stole Christmas," How I Met Your Mother

It can't hold up to the Thanksgiving episodes, but this Christmas episode has plenty of holiday gold. There's the Christmas miracle of Marshall delivering all the packaged presents. Ted's trip to his religious cousins' presents-free celebration. And the many uses of "grinch" as a euphism. Plus, who can't get behind beer as a unifier?

4. "An Echolls Family Christmas," Veronica Mars

The main plot involves a poker game gone wrong, but the B-plot is all Christmas. As Keith investigates a death threat on A-list movie star Aaron Echolls, we get to see what the Echolls' Christmas party looks like. With murderous Christmas cards, deranged pumpkins, and a vengeful server, this darker Christmas tale is a nice balance for all the cheesy Lifetime specials.

3. "Afternoon Delight," Arrested Development

Arrested Development took a trip to The Office as GOB used his role as Bluth Co. president to insult all of his employees. But this episode's best remembered for teaching all of us what the song "Afternoon Delight' is really about. The moment when Michael/Maeby and Lindsay/George-Michael realize what they're dueting about? Hilarious.

2. "The Best Chrismukkah Ever," The OC

It's a tough call between this and season 2's "The Chrismukkah That Almost Wasn't," but I have to go with the episode that coined the word. No "yamaclauses," but a simple explanation of Seth Cohen's Christmas/Chanukah hybrid. Also, Seth's identical gift packs to Summer and Anna, leaving him with neither by the end, helped bring out the show's best love triangle.

1. "A Benihana Christmas," The Office

This hour-long episode was The Office at its best. Michael's cluelessly creepy Christmas card to Carol inserting himself into her family. Jim and Pam's CIA prank on Dwight. Dwight and Andy fighting over Michael while drinking at Benihana. Michael marking his date with a marker to remember which one she is. The date riding off on Michael's bike. And the beginning of Michael and Jan. The holiday brought out the best in every character, creating the perfect blend of awkward and hilarious.

What to See on Jewish Christmas

Happy Christmas Eve everyone! TBS will be airing its yearly 24-hour marathon of A Christmas Story at 8 PM tonight. I've actually never seen it, so maybe I'll check it out this year. But today I'd like to talk about one of my favorite holidays: Jewish Christmas. For those of you unfamiliar with Jewish Christmas, you celebrate it by eating Chinese food and seeing a movie. Now, you might ask, "Mah nishtah nah halailah hazeh mikol haleilot?" [Why is this night different from any other night?] After all, my family eats Chinese food and sees movies all the time. But Jewish Christmas makes that a holiday, and that's special.

Now, as I did on Thanksgiving, I've got some advice on what movie to see. Once again, the movie selection is pretty weak, with most mainstream movies looking like the cinematic equivalent of a lump of coal. Yes Man and Bedtime Stories do nothing for me, while Seven Pounds and The Spirit have gotten reviews terrible enough to curdle your egg nog. So while I can't vouch for (or even recommend) some of the movies on this list, they're at least worth considering.

Slumdog Millionaire

It was my #1 pick for Thanksgiving, and it's still my #1 pick for Christmas. But unlike a month ago, Slumdog has now expanded to the point where I was able to see it again in Virginia yesterday. If you haven't seen it, you'll have fun and feel good. Even if you have, a rewatching is more worthwhile than Yes Man.

Marley & Me

A PG-rated movie with Owen Wilson, Jennifer Aniston, and a dog? That's a big no thanks for me, but it's a logical choice. It's based on a super popular book, has two likable stars, and looks the most tolerable of the family movies. The reviews may be mixed, but they're certainly not terrible. If you can stand the trailer, you might want to check it out.

Valkyrie

The image of a one-eyed Tom Cruise leading a team to go kill Hitler is definitely silly. But silly might be preferable to all the super serious Oscarbait in theaters. Its solid Rotten Tomatoes score of 60% means it isn't the bomb we feared (that would be The Spirit at 14%). If your hatred of Tom Cruise doesn't turn you off, this could be a fun way to spend the holiday.

Frost/Nixon

Usually, the last thing you want during the holiday is politics. But this is surprisingly entertaining, filled with humor and wit. Yes, it's Oscarbait, but it's on a different level from the dour seriousness of Benjamin Button and Doubt. With such weak mainstream movies this year, Frost/Nixon may be a nice compromise.

Milk

This was also on my Thanksgiving list, and like Slumdog has since expanded further. It's still in pretty limited release (not playing in Virginia), but I've heard it's amazing. Still, a political movie about civil rights that ends with a death might not be the holiday cheer you were looking for.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Releasing wide on Christmas day, this epic tale of a backwards-aging man (Brad Pitt) will get a lot of attention. A big, epic tearjerker brings together the whole family, and women can enjoy Brad Pitt. But consider: It's nearly three hours long, it's incredibly slow, and it's really not that good. Still, the movie's Rotten Tomatoes score of 77% shows I may be alone on my opinion, so you may want to see for yourselves.

Doubt

Another very serious movie I didn't love (review coming soon), Doubt doesn't make for a fun trip to the movies. It may be well short of Benjamin Button's running time, but its slow pace nearly put me to sleep. Still, its great performances will get Oscar attention. And Meryl Streep vs. Philip Seymour Hoffman is a battle worth paying to see. It will expand enough tomorrow to find easily enough. It's not my first choice for Oscarbait, but it is an option.

And the Rest...

Yes Man's trailers make me want to bludgeon myself. The Day the Earth Stood Still may induce an Independence Day marathon to remember what a good alien movie looks like. Seven Pounds, well, I've covered that. The Tale of Despereaux and Bedtime Stories seem like they're just for kids. Instead of seeing The Spirit, just watch Sin City again. The Wrestler, The Reader, and Gran Torino are all better options, but are all in super limited release.

Whatever you choose, enjoy the holidays!

My Top 5 Holiday Movies

Hey everyone. I'm writing from Virginia, where I"ll be spending the holidays. As for as entertainment goes, I've hit a bit of culture shock. Despite having a to-see list of 12 movies at the moment, I can't find anything here I want to see. Seriously. Every theater plays the same ten recent releases. The Day the Earth Stood Still is everywhere, but I've got no chance at finding Milk. So if I review any odd movies this week, you'll know why (outside of Doubt, which I saw last week). Also, I had to go to eight stores to find the last available menorah. There really are no Jews in the South.

Anyway, just like with Thanksgiving, I'll be doing a series of holiday posts to celebrate the lead-up to Christmas and the continuation of Chanukkah. I'm starting off with my top 5 Christmas movies. As much as I like Miracle on 34th Street and White Christmas, this list is about going beyond the typical fare for the movies I really love.

5. The Hebrew Hammer

Ok, this is a Chanukkah movie, not a Christmas movie. But because we get so few (Eight Crazy Nights does NOT count), I thought I would honor the best. This "Jewsploitation" flick has a plot just as silly as any Christmas special: Adam Goldberg's Hebrew Hammer must stop Andy Dick's evil Santa Clause from destroying Chanukkah. The Jew jokes are fantastic, from passing out copies of Yentl to testing if someone is Jewish by how much they whine. You may have to be Jewish (or anti-Semetic) to appreciate the humor, but it's the perfect antidote to the overwhelming amount of Christmas music.

4. Love Actually

The networks may think Elf is the contemporary Christmas classic, but Love Actually is my pick. The movie may principally be about love, actually, but what Christmas movie isn't? Christmas drives every major plot, even bringing together the three disparate siblings for a children's pageant. Finally, the movie created not one, but two classic Christmas songs in Billy Mack (Bill Nighy)'s "Christmas Is All Around Me" and that little girl's cover of "All I Want for Christmas Is You." Love, family, and music? Sounds like a Christmas classic to me.

3. A Muppet Christmas Carol/Scrooged

Ok, I cheated, but you try picking just one version of A Christmas Carol. I love the story of Scrooge's visits from the three ghosts straight-up, but isn't everything better with Muppets? I think so. Throw in some songs and you've got a fun twist on a classic. Much like Muppets, Bill Murray improves every story. As the Muppet version stays close to the story, Scrooged is my pick for the modern twist. Murray plays a Scrooge-like TV exec visited by three ghosts while putting on a live special of, you guessed it, A Christmas Carol. Bill Murray, TV, and Dickens all together? A winning formula.

2. Die Hard

When people think Christmas, their next thought is not usually Die Hard. But in taking place on Christmas day and heavily using Christmas songs in the soundtrack, this is most definitely a Christmas movie. Besides, what could be more in the Christmas spirit than taking out European terrorist/thieves one-by-one without shoes? Sure, violence may not be on the Christmas checklist, but John and Holly McClane's reconciliation at the end provides the requisite Christmas gooeyness. The fact that it's the greatest action movie ever made is just icing on the cake. You don't need to wait until Christmas to see it, but it's sure a good excuse.

1. It's a Wonderful Life

I tried to think outside the box, but there's no denying It's a Wonderful Life as the greatest Christmas movie ever. It's the only movie I feel like I have to see each year. What's nice about It's a Wonderful Life is how many different levels it works on. When I was younger, I only watched the movie for Clarence showing George what life would be like had he not been born. These days, I'm much more interested in George's life, as he faced continual disappointments to keep Bedford Falls out of Potter's control. This year, the movie's being looked at even harder, both in a recent New York Times article and for its insights into the Depression. But regardless of why you watch, that ending chorus of "Auld Lang Syne" hits just as hard. And that's the mark of a true Christmas movie.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I'll be leaving soon for turkey, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, and the rest, but here's a list of five notable (I won't say best) Thanksgiving-themed TV episodes.

Gossip Girl, "Blair Waldorf Must Pie"
Season 1's Thanksgiving episode was filled with drama. Rufus and Lily's relationship was revealed after an uncomfortable dinner shared by Rufus' wife. Flashbacks gave the first real glimpse of party-girl Serena, and of Dan's brief encounters with her. And Blair's storyline centered on pie. It showed Thanksgiving can be for Gossip Girl what Chrismukkah was for The OC.

How I Met Your Mother, "Belly Full of Turkey"
So many great aspects to Thanksgiving featured in this season 1 episode. The main story revolved around Lily spending the holiday with Marshall's family while she thinks she might be pregnant. Of course, she finds all their traditions horrifying. Baskiceball, a combination of basketball and hockey, Marshall admits is basically just an excuse to beat each other up. But the more dangerous tradition is Marshall's mom's seven layer salad, in which funions and gummy bears are separated at every layer by mayonnaise. Yuck. Back in New York, Ted and Robin learn Thanksgiving is the most popular volunteer day of the year. And Barney shows them Thanksgiving at a strip club.

Friends, "The One Where Ross Got High"
Friends is easily the master of Thanksgiving episodes, with 9 great ones to choose from. I'm limiting myself to two here. I chose this one not for the story of Ross blaming Chandler for his pot smoking in college, but for the subplot in which Rachel combines the recipes for a chocolate trifle and shepherd's pie. Watching everyone not know how to tell her there is no meat in trifle is funny. Watching Joey eat everyone's portion and love it is hilarious.

How I Met Your Mother, "Slapsgiving"
You just got slaaaaaaapped. Across the faaace. You just got slapped. Yeah that really just happened. And everybody saaw it. And everybody laaaaaughed and claaapped. Cause it was awesome. When you. Got slapped.

Friends, "The One With Chandler in a Box"
My top Thanksgiving episode goes to this Friends ep in which Joey makes Chandler spend Thanksgiving in a box after kissing his girlfriend. Chandler chiming in on everything from inside the box is funny, but the best is when Joey accuses him of not taking the box seriously enough.

Also, on the subject of Thanksgiving episodes, aren't you glad you didn't have to cook your turkey in a toaster oven like the contestants on last night's Top Chef? Difficulties aside, there were plenty of dishes that looked good, namely pumpkin tiramisu. Fabio knows what I look for on Thanksgiving. The Foo Fighters were also some of the best judges that have been on in awhile. Less sophistocated than the celebrity chefs and more fun than the regular people, their judging style of "yes! bacon is awesome!" was a nice change. But losing Richard this early seems a bit of a shame, after his amusingly awkward character assessments, such as calling Leah "the fun, flirty girl with the nice rack," and Tom Colicchio the "hot, gay icon, bear of a man."

Now go enjoy your turkey!

What to See With Your Family on Thanksgiving

Every family has its own traditions on Thanksgiving. Some play football. Some watch football. But in my family, the post-turkey ritual is going to see a movie. As we're hardly the only ones who keep this tradition, Hollywood usually complies with a "something for everyone" movie. Harry Potter is of course the perfect Thanksgiving option. The Incredibles hit the right spot as well. But with the new Harry Potter pushed until next summer, there's really no obvious pick this year. So for all of you facing a similar dilemma, I've got the pros and cons for every top contender.

Story: An orphan from Mumbai goes on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire to find his childhood love.
Pros: A feel-good, immensely entertaining movie that everyone is bound to enjoy. Plus, it's a likely Best Picture nominee.
Cons: Still in limited release, it's hard to find outside New York and LA. With a third in Hindi, not a good choice for the subtitle reading-impaired.


Story: An aristocratic Englishwoman falls for a rugged Austrlian herder during World War II.
Pros: It's a big, romantic epic that Baz Luhrmann intended to be for the whole family to see after Thanksgiving. And Oprah loved it.
Cons: A 2 hour, 45 minute running time and a Rotten Tomatoes score of 51% makes this a bad choice when on triptophan.


Story: Biopic of Harvey Milk, city supervisor of San Francisco in the 1970s and the first openly gay public official.
Pros: Amazing reviews (92% on Rotten Tomatoes). Likely Best Picture nominee. Couldn't be more topical.
Cons: Very limited release. Not a happy ending.




Story: James Bond seeks revenge for the death of Vesper Lynd in Casino Royale.
Pros: It's Bond. James Bond.
Cons: At least in my family, Bond movies are more of a male outing than something for the whole family. Also, the reviews have been decidedly mixed.


Story: Two guys are forced to mentor oddball kids.
Pros: Good reviews. Supposed to be funny. The kind of lightweight comedy that might be fun on Thanksgiving.
Cons: Trailer doesn't look great, and the humor's probably not the kind your parents will enjoy.


Story: It's in the title.
Pros: See pros for Role Models above.
Cons: Do you really want to see a movie called Zack and Miri Make a Porno with your parents?




Story: Human girl loves vampire.
Pros: Made a ton of money. Your teenage sister/mom is really into the books.
Cons: What guy would agree to see this movie? Only a good idea if male family members split up to see Quantum of Solace.



Story: A couple must celebrate Christmas with the families of each of their divorced parents.
Pros: The most obvious pick for a family movie. Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon are a watchable pair.
Cons: Looks terrible. 19% on Rotten Tomatoes. It's way too early for Christmas movies.



Story: A TV dog who thinks the show is real must find his way back to Hollywood from New York.
Pros: Good reviews (84% Rotten Tomatoes). Family movie.
Cons: If there are no small children in your group, you'll wonder why you're there.